25. apríla 2009 10:23:21 CEST
To all the Dom(me)s, Sadists, Masters, Mistresses:
Hello there! My name is Stephanie. I'm from Canada, and although BDSM is quite new to me (a little over a year), already it's been an intense experience!
I'm trying to understand what the appeal is of being in the role of a Dom, Sadist, Master, etc? (Coming from the opposite end of things, I'm just utterly confused by it.)
First off, I'm not here to pass judgments on anyone! And I'm not trying to figure out "why you're like this" (i.e. if there were childhood, experiences, if it's about the wiring of the brain). My goal is to try to understand what it is about being in the Dom, Sadist, or Master role that makes you like it and/or turns you on?
If you could help me understand, it would mean a lot to me! I have felt confused about this for years but have been embarrassed to ask. I worry the very question may offend… I really hope it doesn’t.
Part of me wants to understand this because I am a very curious, geeky person who loves to understand human beings. In addition, understanding this will help in knowing how to please future Doms/Masters. How can one please without understanding? Also, i feel it would be improper etiquit to ask these questions to someone who was my Master/Dom. Also, it just makes for interesting discussion!
I have nothing to offer in return for the generosity of your time and insight, except my sincerest wishes that you find True Love within yourself and the Universe! (Well, I wish this for you all even if you don’t help explain this!)
I don't need to hear from subs, masochists, etc. about why their role turns them on and/or appeal to them. I think I already understand this based on past conversations with subs and masochists and also insights from my own fantasies. But for Doms, Sadists, Masters that is something I still don't get.
Also, I have already heard many times from Doms, Sadists, Masters that what they enjoy about it is witnessing the pleasure that the subs/masos/slaves take in being dominated, hurt, degraded, etc. I understand that witnessing the pleasure of the sub/maso is part of the enjoyment and/or turn on for some Doms, Sadists, Masters but I think there must be more to the story. If it was just about enjoying witnessing the pleasure of someone else, then they would find it equally enjoyable / sexy to give someone pleasure in a ‘vanilla’ sexual context (for example, by giving oral sex), or fulfill someone’s fantasy that had nothing to do with BDSM.
If your answer to my question includes that you enjoy witnessing the pleasure of the sub/maso, that’s fine, but I also hope you can offer me more information and insight beyond this.
Here are some specific questions I have. IF YOU RATHER JUST IGNORE THE SPECIFIC QUESTIONS AND ANSWER USING AN ENTIRE DIFFERENT FORMAT TO ANSWER THE GENERAL QUESION, THAT'S ALSO APPRECIATED… think of these questions as more of a guideline and/or inspiration.
By the way, I posted this on a Facebook group, and someone sent me a private message asking me if I was doing a research paper for college. I assure you I am not. And thank goodness for that! I'm on summer vacation now and recently wrote my last exam for the year. Hurray! Though sadly my summer course starts in a few weeks :(
They said the questions were very detailed for someone who is just curious. Well, that's because I'm a huge geek!! LOL! I over-think and over-analyze everything. Honestly, I want to ask even more questions than this, and in even more detail... but don't want to overdo it.
Thanks so much!!! I truly and deeply appreciate it!!!
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1. If you enjoy inflicting pain, what type of reaction (or reactions) from the sub/maso/slave appeal to you? (examples: pleasure? physical pain? emotional pain? fear? feeling they deserve it? seemingly willing? seemingly unwilling?)
And most importantly why?
2. If you enjoy dominating / enslaving someone, what type of dynamic with the sub/maso/slave appeals to you? (examples: out of love/respect for you? pretended/real fear of you? pretended/real low selfworth? pretend resistence which requires force?)
And most importantly why?
3. If you enjoy inflicting humiliation and/or degradation on someone, what type of reaction from the sub/maso/slave appeals to you? (examples: pleasure? pretend/real sadness? pretend/real internalization of message / feeling worthless?)
And most importantly why?
4. If you enjoy enacting rape scenes, what are the dynamics that appeal to you? (examples: unwilling at first, then willing? unwilling through entire thing? expression of physical pain? of emotional pain? unwilling yet can't help but feel pleasure and is humiliated?)
And most importantly why?
5. Doms and sadists often mention they enjoy control over the sub/masochist. What about control over another person is it that appeals to you?
6. Do you think playing the role of a Dom, Sadist, or Master helps you work out any painful emotions or issues? (examples: insecurity? low self-esteem? fear of abandonment? fear of rejection? anger?)
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This last question is not to make anyone feel that there is something wrong or sick with enjoyment of being a Dom, Sadist, or Master. We all have these feelings or issues, and what's wrong with working through them in a safe way? If an artist works through feelings and issues in their art, does that make their art sick or any less beautiful?
